Even when I have had a perfect day, and everything flows, I would still feel faded the following morning. I didn’t have the will to get up, and I would fall asleep and get up late (as I used to when my mother would attempt to wake me). I would start the morning with anger, despair, and bitterness and with a solid intention to go back to my bed where everything felt possible within dreams and where I didn’t have to do anything.
Through the years of self-development, I thought I was gaining more and more tools. I learned reiki, practiced different types of breathing and yoga, and read every book that my hands could reach about self-empowerment and self-control. I saw strange movies on channels that no one ever sees, went to witches, bought cards and gemstones, and still hated the morning. Even though I had enjoyed delicious coffee, and although my mind would have begun to feel less clouded, I still had Mr. Grouchy taking over my thoughts. Do you know him? The one who nips at your heels with every step and sees exactly what is wrong. He is so intelligent (condescending) and always considers the worst scenario in preparation for what is coming. During your teenage years, he is the voice that says that you need to lower your expectations to avoid disappointment. I call him the “Party Pooper” for example, I would open my eyes on a free day, the sun is shining, and I have zero obligations. I feel wonderful, and thoughts would occur, “Go to the beach, go.” This mantra is repeated, and then Mr. Grouchy shows up. He loudly and clearly declares, “It’s too warm/too cold, there will be too many people, I don’t have anyone to go with, I don’t have the strength to go by foot, I do not want to drive right now…. I missed out on many days/situations/people/places because of Mr. Grouchy. Trying to shut Mr. Grouchy up drove me crazy.
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How do you get rid of a part of you that has been there for 34 years? I thought it was my voice, and I thought it was just me. I thought I couldn’t silence my busy mind.
I was in a struggle and war, trying to manipulate myself. At some point, the self had surrendered, and then one sentence came from me (that today I know is the beginning of all transformation).
“This is how I am, and I have no idea how to change that.”
The sweet answer came to my question with the acceptance that this is how I am and that there is no solution to Mr. Grouchy and finding a happy morning. (That was already there, but I could never see what was in front of me)
A dear friend introduced me to my beloved Esther Hicks, my favorite teacher. The first question was about how to start my day better and start the day with positive momentum (as usual, looking for a fast way to defuse the fire and not understanding that it is all about my internal dialogue). She recommended writing (which was terrific as I have kept a journal since the 3rd grade). She called that action the book of positive aspects, and this is how I created a new mission (I genuinely love missions and the gratifying feeling of completing a task). I ran to the closest store and bought myself a new notebook and an overpriced pen, and as I was standing in the store, I opened the notebook and wrote,
I love the smell of a new notebook.
The excitement of a young girl filled my heart, and that day I went to sleep earlier than usual with the expectation to open the new day with my new notebook.
I woke up in the morning before my alarm went off and ran to the bathroom like I was late for a meeting with the prime minister. I got back to my bed and organized the pillows so that I could have something to write on. I reached for the overly expensive pen, opened the new notebook to the first page, and wrote.
How I love getting up in the morning.
This is how I was feeling, and I was so happy to know that this was for me alone. I knew that I was choosing myself before everything else, and I loved to think about good things. I knew that my sensations and feelings were good at that very moment. I knew that no one was checking me and that no will grade my work, I knew that I didn’t have to do it at a specific time, I knew that this was a gift from me to me, I feel that I am the most crucial thing in the world for me and that filled my heart with joy and love. I was so proud of myself:-
I started writing slowly the following numbers 3….. 4….. 5…. And with every number and every thought, I understood this genius idea. I understood that my brain is looking for more and more positive aspects of my life with every number. My eyes started seeing and looking for the good with a total obsession, and my heart was open. After 15 minutes and within 34 sentences, I found that I wrote all that I love, that is alive, growing, and material in my world.
My face was soaked with tears of happiness, and I felt gratitude for everything I had within and around me in this life.
It has been seven years since that significant morning, and this event occurs every morning in an organized manner. Since then and until today, I have loved getting up in the morning, including the happy cry. I define myself as a morning person, and this journaling habit has expanded to 2 hours of self-indulgence every morning of every day. Every morning reveals itself in a completely different way. By taking on this simple habit, my life has completely changed. Because I am an all-in-person, this mission to see good in everything extended and became the way I live. I look for positive aspects in front of my parents, kids, and friends in every conversation. Wherever I am, I am collecting positive aspects to have something to write tomorrow morning. I became professional in finding good elements. When your heart feels safe, and your thoughts are looking for the positive while remaining focused on the blessings, all you see is the best possible reality.
Homework for the awakened.
Get up tomorrow morning and take 2 mins on the clock, write down or think only about what you love, you will feel the difference and the benefit from that.
