The only way for me to be is to be true to everything I feel right now. From the moment I saw the movie titled, “What The Bleep Do We Know?” that came out in 2004. I worked hard to peel layer after layer and to face ridiculous limited beliefs that did not even belong to me. These beliefs that I had been attached to for all of my life had been preventing me from connecting to my true essence. I had to make peace with the key people in my life whose presence set my childhood frequency and mindset. Eventually, I understood that this was not me and that I was not who I came here to be. It took me a long time to understand that love and the way it feels to me is what I received and experienced from my parents. As I matured it became clear to me that love can be many different things. My journey took many twists and turns and eventually, I learned that love has many faces. The love that is inside of me and the love that exists in the world.
For many years I thought that this was the way of the world. What I learned at home, teachers and friends had a clear and firm tone that said, “ You have to consider other people, and that this is the basis of a good person.” During that time this was the path in my life with no awareness and without knowing I became the Queen of being a people pleaser. When I saw the movie everything changed for me. I was mind blown. I had a million questions running around my head. What defines me as a good person? Is it the ability to give up a toy for another person?
Once it was about a toy, and today the toy has been replaced with giving up my emotions, my ambitions, my wishes, and my opinions. All of this is in order to gain approval and only fragments of what you presume is love.
(read more in the first comment)
Who is going to teach me how to deal with the sensation of lack when I give from
That place.
This is a place of compromise and giving up your power while continually trying to please others.
Pleasing means to do the will of another as if it is your own.
In other words, ignoring your inner voice that is saying no.
To stick out your tongue to your inner voice
To say fuck off to myself (in (excruciating pain may I add) and continuing to please the other person with a smile like everything is peachy and the authenticity is no where to be found.
To please the other person and not what my heart desires means to know that I am hurting myself, lying to myself while throwing myself to the dogs with zero loyalty to what my inner voice is saying. Therefore choosing the will of another over and above my inner desires. In those moments my inner self is wilting, and the women inside me is shrinking. I do this to myself me and no one else. My inner child is shrinking, sad and crying because I took away her passion and joy. I do this to myself, me and no one else. One day it was the eldest of the tribe in me that stood up and said “This is enough! We have been quiet enough, repressed and hidden ourselves enough. We painting too many moments in colors that didn’t suit us at all. Now is the time and there is no other time to be who I came to be. Me with all my beauty, all my colors and all my flaws, darkness and sharp edges.
Since that day it is the eldest of the tribe that has led the way and I am thankful to her. Therefore today I have no other choice but to be loyal and true to who I came to be right here, right now.
Homework for the Rockstar
Take only this day for yourself and try to be loyal to yourself and to the truth in your heart. You should expect surprises.
P.S. A tip for the road, the truth in your heart will always feel good, right and accurate. (Even if it’s not pleasant)
